#13 - Yeses and Nos of Summer 2022

some thoughts on limitations

Jun 03, 2022

At the beginning of April, I remember looking at my calendar and saying, “Oh! We will have guests at our house every day between April 7 and May 15.” Our last guests ended up leaving on May 31st and we’re starting another round of nonstop hosting tomorrow, which will likely continue until the end of June. So it’s been…full. Life has been full.

I’ve genuinely enjoyed [almost] all of the guests we’ve had, and I’ve gotten so much out of these relationships. I don’t regret how we’re spending the summer. The cleaning part does grate me at my very core and feels opposite to any of my skill sets or passions. But the other night, I laid out a couch bed for someone who would be the 13th person staying in our home that night, and I stood back and thought, “This is one of the most self-actualizing things I’ve ever done.”

I really, really like sitting and talking to people. I like cooking with a friend to feed a crowd. I learn so much from seeing how a family I admire operates in their day-to-do. I like it when my kids run and play and swap clothes with other kids. I like when someone else does my dishes while I do her laundry. I like when every seat at our big long table is full.

I have some soap box opinions about how the isolated nuclear family is impractical—even unnatural. So I’m grateful that, for a few months this summer, I get to indulge my extroverted dreams and live with a lot of people.

Undeniable Limits

I’m learning to make boundaries, too. After staying up late with some super treasured guests for several nights in a row, I woke up with a bad cold the morning after they left, and I laid around with no energy for two and a half days. My body shut me down to remind me that, yes, I have limits.

I’m never really enough, anyway. I can expend my energy all day and night—even doing things I enjoy doing—and I’m still letting people down.

I FaceTime an older relative every other day, but another relative laments that I don’t call enough. There aren’t enough weeks in the month for me to go on a regular date with each of my kids. There’s not enough time blocks for me to connect with and truly know all the wonderful people I want to know.

I’m not enough for everybody. I’m just not. And that’s really okay.

Determining Yeses and Nos

I have a limited number of “Yes” and “No” decisions that I can make, and each “yes” is a “no” to something else and vice versa. Sometimes—like if I’m pregnant, or if my husband is working 90-hour weeks, or if we have to host someone who is very difficult to host—I don’t really get to pick what gets my “yes” or “no…” other than my attitude towards the situation.

(A “yes” to gratitude is a “no” to despair, as it turns out. And a “yes” to self-pity is a “no” to happiness and growth.)

Last May, we traveled across the country in an RV. It was an easy “no” to hospitality and commitments. This summer, we live in a home that’s big enough to host people who need a safe space during a transitory time. It’s an easy “yes.” This summer, it’s a “no” to day camps, sports, road trips, quiet evenings, and trying to get ahead on my writing career…but it’s “yes” to my family and a few extra people who give me a lot of joy.

I expect fall and especially winter to be much quieter, but until then, I’m quite happy about the people-filled Yeses and Nos of Summer 2022.

I’m curious…have you thought about what you’re saying yes and no to this summer? I would love to hear about it.