#51 - It's All Covered

comfort for when you're in a puddle of shame

I have a special talent: I’m capable of stressing myself out over things I have done wrong—or even just awkwardly—from the duration of my whole life.

I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, dressed too casually at a wedding, was unprepared for hosting people, forgot to wear deodorant, oversalted a dish I served…it’s shocking how quickly and persistently my brain can bring up hundreds of ways that I’ve potentially hurt people, times I’ve made people feel disrespected or unwelcome or uncomfortable.

I just…mess up a lot of things. Some are outright selfish and wrong. Some are ignorant and naive. And plenty are just embarrassing moments and general awkwardness. I just always seem to do the wrong thing.

It’s quite draining to think about myself a lot—Tim Keller said that “Humility is the most relaxing thing in the world” and I am quite consistently happier when I’m focused on other things. But for a variety of reasons—including some toxic influences that I can’t fully avoid—overthinking still happens and sometimes I just feel stuck in a puddle of shame.

There were a couple days last month when I was in such a puddle. At one point I felt quite physically depressed, like I couldn’t move because anything I was going to do was going to be the wrong thing. So I fought these feelings with truth. I picked up where I left off in my chronological Bible reading, which was in Leviticus, of all places, but it ended up being exactly what I needed to hear.

I was reading the chapters on unintentional sins and the sacrifices that the Israelites could’ve made to atone for them. My heart grumbled that God would expect the Israelites to give up a sacrifice when they did something wrong by accident. It shouldn’t even be called a sin if your heart wasn’t in the wrong place.

But a phrase kept coming to mind and I think it was God speaking to my heart: “It’s all covered.”

I meditated on this when I was watercoloring…making lines of various colors then adding in splashes of gold that permeated the whole thing.

Yes, in Leviticus God was saying that it’s very serious when humans don’t live in the ways He has designed them to live, and it’s wrong when we go our own way…even when it’s unintentional. Unintentionally hurting someone is still hurting them. But back then, in the old covenant, God was saying, “There’s a way to be forgiven.”

Now things are much, much better, because Jesus was the once-and-for-all sacrifice. He already dealt with my sin. All of it. I am forgiven. I don’t have to stress myself out over my mistakes and embarrassing moments or trying to figure out what categories they fall into, because whatever mess I’m in…I’m okay. I’m called, beloved, kept. I’m royalty. I’m an heir. Whew.

I think it’s funny that the solution to so many of my emotional meltdowns is to remember something I’ve known since I was a little girl…Jesus loves me. I always make things rocket science when I need to just believe that I’m loved.

Maybe that’s what you need to remember today, too. It makes me feel very strong when I can handle whatever mental and emotional “what-ifs” my Ferrari-engine brain can come up with because it’s…a lot. But it’s all covered. ❤️

I hope you’re doing well.

Love,

Hope

P.S. I haven’t written in almost a month but here are some photos I hope you enjoy!

My mother-in-law and I went on a torchlit tour of the Chattanooga National Cemetery on Memorial Day, courtesy of the National Parks Service. It was powerful.

I’m forever obsessed with this candle.

We spent two weeks visiting loved ones in Florida, and it was a lovely time, but…it feels good to be home.