#8 - Issues I've Had With the Cross

A skeptic's questions about Good Friday (and some answers)

Today is Good Friday, and I figured I would share some of my big doubts and questions about Jesus that I’ve had from childhood onward. I’ve always been a very curious, skeptical, even pessimistic person (as you’ll see) but it’s been amazing that God has met me right where I am. I’ve concluded that He can handle my questions.

I remember being young—five or six—and being very confused by something that everyone else seemed to accept: why did Jesus die?

The Sunday school answer I always heard was “Jesus died on the cross to show you how much he loves you.” Okay, but…there are other ways He could show me that. Like by giving me a Hot Wheels car wash, moon shoes, gel pens, and every Barbie I wanted.

As I got a bit older, I also wondered, “Why was the death of Jesus so special? Plenty of people sacrifice their lives for someone else.” I reasoned that He’s God, so, uh, it’s different. But that still wasn’t very satisfying.

By high school, I had read more stories about people who were killed for their faith. I was still very confused by the same questions as before. Peter was crucified upside down. Stephen looked up and saw a glimpse of Heaven. There are inspiring stories about people who sang hymns while burning at the stake or getting mauled by beasts. But Jesus wasn’t even crucified upside down. Jesus didn’t die singing praises; He died accusing God of forsaking Him. That doesn’t seem…valiant.

Also, why would a whole belief system center around one man’s death that only lasted a few hours? People suffer agony for a few hours all the time. Are we exaggerating how important the cross is?

Lots of People Have Been Crucified

I studied and pondered more (and continue to do so!) but I had a breakthrough in 11th grade, if I remember correctly. I had strep throat and missed some school, so I remember laying in bed, feeling awful, and listening to some sermons.

One in particular—a reflection on the garden of Gethsemane—answered my questions and changed my whole life. It also appealed to the skeptic in me.

Isn’t it interesting that, right before He was arrested, Jesus asked God for another option?

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me.” -Matthew 26:39

He requested a way out! That doesn’t make Him look good. Why would that be in the Bible?

Lots of people have been crucified. Why would Jesus try to avoid something terrible but also somewhat common?

Here’s what I had missed my whole life until then: the worst part of the cross wasn’t the crucifixion.

I suspect that pastors who preach those sensational sermons with all the historical details about crucifixion just want you to think they’re smarter than you…but maybe that’s just me being pessimistic. I honestly don’t think the violence aspect of the cross is that big a deal. I mean, 11/12 of Jesus’s disciples were martyred and thousands of people have been crucified.

So what was the most agonizing part of those awful hours? Jesus got a glimpse of it in the garden of Gethsemane.

This scene is portrayed powerfully in the claymation movie from 2000, The Miracle Maker. It’s right at the one-hour mark on Youtube.

Jesus’s dread in Gethsemane—so severe that his sweat was like drops of blood—had to do with “the cup.” What is the cup?

The Cup

In Isaiah 51, for example, God told Israel that He was taking their “cup of suffering” and giving it to the nations who were tormenting them. God’s anger against evil was being directed towards strong people who preyed on the weak. It’s like if you could bottle up God’s wrath, evil people would have to drink it from a cup.

Think about the rage you might feel towards traffickers and abusers and imagine the rage that God feels when the people He fearfully and wonderfully made are abused and mistreated; He sees more than we see and feels more than we feel. Imagine all that rage being bottled up. How big that cup would have to be for God’s wrath against all the evils in the world, throughout history. Jesus had to (metaphorically) drink that.

“Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
and you overwhelm me with all your waves.” -Psalm 88:7

So that. That’s what Jesus was dealing with on the cross. He saw a glimpse of it in the garden, and it was terrifying enough to ask for another way.

But there wasn’t another way. Justice needed to happen. Someone had to drink that cup.

And Jesus did it. God Himself, the Pourer of the Cup, the Judge, the Angry One, drank the cup.

My Cup Is Empty

Remember that I’ve spent so much of my life pondering the cross because I don’t want to be an idiot and believe something that isn’t true or doesn’t make sense.

Now I see my own evil in that cup, and I’m glad I’m not the one who has to drink it. The agony of Jesus makes sense to me now. I can’t wrap my mind around His love, and I’m comforted by His justice.

If you’ve never felt the need for justice, you’ve probably never been deeply wronged before. Or maybe you’ve never put yourself in the shoes of people who have. Anger is something God invented, and I have a very holy anger against some powerful people who have been wreaking havoc on innocent people.

I’m glad that God cares about it and promises to do something about it. Psalm 7 says He has bent and readied his bow and arrow.

And I’m glad that Jesus drank every drop of the cup of God’s anger against my sin. He took every single arrow that was supposed to be aimed for me. There’s no more left for me. Now God looks at me with favor and delight. Crazy.

The Best Part

And, of course, the cross isn’t the best part. Friday isn’t the finale. Sunday is. The resurrection is the best part.

That’s something I used to think was overrated too. (Why make a big deal about Jesus rising from the dead when Lazarus and other people rose from the dead too?)

After more study (and years of knowing God better), I’ve concluded that the resurrection of Jesus actually changes everything about my present and my future. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I’ll be doing 10,000,000,000 years into the future. But that’s another Note for another day.

I hope this was encouraging. Maybe it answered some questions. Maybe it gave you new questions. But I hope it made you think about Jesus for a minute. His claims were so big that we can only respond by worshipping Him as the Son of God OR writing Him off as a psychotic egomaniac. He said such extreme things that we can’t just think mildly about this historical figure. What is true?

Ask your questions. Face your doubts. I’ve had plenty (and still do), but I’m convinced that Jesus is strong and wise enough to be able to handle them.

He is risen,

Hope

P.S. If you want some great music reflecting on Good Friday and Easter, Andrew Peter’s Resurrection Letters: Prologue and Resurrection Letters: Volume I are beautiful. There’s a playlist on Youtube. My favorite songs are “God Rested” and “His Heart Beats,” which—as a tradition—is the very first thing I put in my ears on Easter Sunday.