25 of my favorite memories...

and what we can learn from what stands out the most

Last night, I sat at my desk and made a list of my favorite memories, starting from as early as I could remember. It was a happy, grateful practice; I hope you try it.

I did this because I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness and memories. Listening to the audiobook of Trevor Noah’s tales from growing up in apartheid-era South Africa, I was struck by how difficult and traumatizing his childhood was, but also how he still had a wealth of happy moments and fond memories. He tells how his mom used to take him for Sunday picnics and they’d eat baloney, brown bread, and margarine sandwiches wrapped in butcher paper. At first I thought that was a negative memory, but clearly not; he wrote, “You can come with all the Michelin stars in the world, just give me baloney and brown bread and margarine, and I’m in heaven.¹” Even in a childhood of poverty, it made him happy to come back to a memory like that.

It’s what people who have seen Inside Out would call “a core memory.” What memories just stick with you forever and shape who you are? I’m always worried about the negative ones—“Oh no, I just yelled at the kids…did that make a core memory? Will they always lack confidence or feel bitter because of this!?” Oy.
I think it’s most helpful to ponder the positive ones.

For example, my grandparents visited us last week and when they saw billboards for Ruby Falls and Rock City, they shared fond memories of when they vacationed in this area and visited those attractions…in the 1960’s! Imagine making memories that last for six decades.

This made me curious about what memories I’m making that will last, which ones have stood out so far, and what there is to learn from all this. I’m not going to share the full list (I’m keeping the very sweetest moments to myself!), but here are ~25 of my favorite memories from the past 31 years, roughly in chronological order:

• playing at a wooden playground called Jump Park with my childhood bestie Alison

• watching TV with my dad if we both got up too early and couldn’t go back to sleep

• going on hikes with my mom and uncle

• the summer of ‘99 (riding bikes in our small Ohioan village, watching the premiere of Spongebob, and eating spaetzle for the first time)

• filling up water balloons with my cousin and talking about our crushes

• playing Nancy Drew games on the computer with my brother

• laying my head on my Mammaw’s lap as she plays with my hair

• Mr. Warnken’s history class, Mrs. Aman’s English class, and AP Psych with Mrs. Canterbury — some incredible teachers from middle and high school

• various sunrises and sunsets

• that moment when I sat at my desk reading Ephesians 1 and figured out the whole purpose of the universe (even though I was failing chemistry)

• long talks at a retention pond with the guy who would become my husband

• the vibes on the day of each childbirth I’ve had or attended (not kidding!)

• kissing my babies first thing in the morning

• playing board games when we lived in the RV

• sitting on the couch and enjoying conversation with my older three

• Albuquerque, St. Pete, Durango…exploring anywhere on family road trips

• talking my mom’s ear off on the phone while I tidy up my house (she’s an incredible listener and conversationalist)

• listening to my husband tell me all the things he’s learning from the Chronicles of Narnia

• some dishes from local restaurants that were so good they got me emotional

• listening to audiobooks with my son on long drives, sharing a pair of AirPods

• walking on the Walnut Street Bridge in Chattanooga and “sledding” down Cardboard Hill

• opening my front door to see flowers that a friend left at my doorstep because she knew I was having a hard time

• staying up late and talking with my parents when we stay with them

• seeing various waterfalls for the first time

• listening to Switchfoot’s newly released version of The Beautiful Letdown with my husband in the car and discussing the lyrics and musical tweaks after each song

Some observations about the items on this list:

• Many of my most treasured memories are not special, rare occasions or even singular moments, but mundane delights that I’ve gotten to experience many, many times.

• Many childhood memories have become all the richer because of what can happen in the passing of time. A few summers ago, I visited Ohio and met up with Alison at Jump Park…with all our kids. They ended up playing together, and our daughters formed a little girl gang without having a clue that their moms did the very same thing when we were their age.

• Road trips are the best. (We already knew this 🤪)

• Some of my favorite memories involved—gasp—screens and technology. Even something as trite as Spongebob. TV, movies, and video games can rob families of quality time, but they can also be a powerful place of connection and a wonderful treat.

• I don’t have pictures of most of these memories, and that’s okay. The most precious moments tend to be undocumented.

• We made so many sweet memories in Chattanooga from 2018-2021 that we decided to make whatever sacrifices needed to so that we could keep making memories there. And now we do keep making memories here, every single day. It shaped our life path.

• Most of these memories cost $0 and most of these types of things are accessible to everyone; the key ingredient is love.

And that was the biggest takeaway: nearly every favorite memory involves people. I’ve sad it ad nauseam but I’ll say it again: people make life rich.
And sure, my very worst memories involve people, too, but that doesn’t mean that love isn’t worth the risk. And pain doesn’t hurt as much when you’re remembering it as it did when you experienced it, right? We carry scars but the pain dulls.
On the other hand, happy memories seem to age more potently beautifully with time.

Thanks for listening. I would love to hear about your favorite moments as well as the kind of happy memories you wish to make. If you feel like your life isn’t very beautiful right now, I’ll bet you could find some glimmers of it if you sit and make a list.

Love,

Hope

P.S. Speaking of moments, here are some favorites from the past week!

Yep, we made memories on the Walnut Street Bridge (again)

the view from Point Park

we went raspberry picking at Morris Vineyard and the Smoky Mountains in the background took our breath away!

1. from Born a Crime by Trevor Noah