I love this post so much, Hope! And I've just added The Midnight Library to my Audible library. Thank you as always for sharing your thoughts, words of wisdom, and recommendations.
Oh I hope you love it! Warning that it has some language and stuff, but it’s a really interesting and impactful story! I also love his novels How to Stop Time and The Humans.
Super interesting post, Hope. Like that you are in that space, city planning(know nada about!) but influencing/reimaginating city function; how cool is that.
Saw 'A Million Miles Away' last night, about a migrant farm worker who ultimately becomes a crew member on the space shuttle. His father coached him to learn what you don't know; and he just picked up skills as opportunity allowed.
You're who you are, and then so relevant to the future you are envisioning. You're in the perfect place! And the providence and sovereignty thing, for sure!
Thanks for this, Just Mud! (Not sure if I know you in real life or not lol.) To be clear, I’m not actually a city planner or anything; I just like to learn about it! And like you said, if the opportunity allowed, I would love to pick up the skills needed to be in the trenches for my city :)
Hey there, it's actually Ron! (JM) We're up here in PA, my wife and I. We're bout retirement age! I'm a bit private in social media, so Substack is bit of a contradiction. But have lots of thoughts I'm letting out! (bit by bit) Appreciate your reads and posts!
This isn't the first time I've heard you use the phrase, "objective ways of measuring" smarts and capabilities. I'm curious what those ways are, for you?
I don’t know! Like I was telling you on the Zoom call, sometimes I wish there was a degree or job title or paycheck or some kind of objective recognition that I’m smart and hardworking. I shouldn’t feel the need for those things—and I know that even if I had them, it’s not like it would completely solve all my insecurities lol—but sometimes I doubt myself.
I don't know whether you "shouldn't" feel the need for those things -- I do think it's probably not helping you feel better by judging your own reaction to some very human emotions. (I also understand that the hardest person for us to show compassion for is often ourselves.)
I think it's also a case of "wherever you go, there you are." You could have a degree from the best university in the world, have a huge career where you make a ton of money and get promoted all the time and win awards, be the president of MENSA, etc., etc., but you'd still probably feel you're not smart and hardworking enough, because it's not really about the external accolades or the outside validation -- or at least, external accolades and outside validation don't take away our insecurities, self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, or imposter syndrome. That's something that comes from us, from inside ourselves.
The good news is that you don't have to have any of those things -- any objective recognition whatsoever -- to tell yourself a different story. What if, instead of saying to yourself and your daughter, "Tonight I'm pretending to be a businesswoman," you said, "I'm going to an event tonight to help me learn more about something I care about as a business woman, a citizen of Chattanooga, and a human being." You're not "playing dress-up." You're dressing as the person you are, or the person you want to be. (There is no shame whatsoever -- it's actually a secret of success -- of "faking it til you make it," or, put another way, "acting your way into feeling rather than feeling your way into acting." If we all waited to feel how we think we need to feel before doing something, no one would ever do anything.)
What if every day you looked in the mirror and said, out loud (really, OUT LOUD): "I'm smart, I'm hardworking, and I belong in every room I walk into." (Who cares if you feel like Stuart Smalley? No one has to see you doing this. It's between you and you, and it works. You would not believe the stuff I say to myself in the mirror. Sometimes it's so hard I cry; sometimes it's so hard I can't even get the words fully out of my mouth. But I keep going, because what you tell yourself not only matters, it becomes the truth for you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell myself some garbage story about how I'm not enough in all these ways, blah blah blah -- nope. I have wasted too many years on that.)
The point of power is in the present moment -- you can change your thoughts at any time. Including right now.
This is a cliche and probably something you've talked about before, but I am thinking that our culture's negative perception of stay-at-home moms is at least partly to blame. I remember--long before I had kids-- interviewing a stay-at-home mom for a position at my work and thinking, even though she'd been out of the work force for a decade or more, "this is a really hardworking, capable, and conscientious person." I perceived in my pre-mom life that raising children required skills, smarts, diligence, work ethic, and toughness. Now as a stay-at-home mom, I know without a doubt that being a mom requires all these things. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't always see this.
This resonates sooooo much. I too started a family at 19, so all of what you said I feel in my bones. The Midnight Library was a game changer for me this year. I was able to put so many what-ifs to bed and start focusing on “what can I do moving forward?” thinking. I still frequently wonder “am I too old to dream like this” and “do I really have anything of value to share?” But I’m trying to build my confidence and remember that even if no one else finds value in it, it’s of value to me and writing it down helps me. That’s enough.
I believe your heart & soul are in the right place to continue to improve the living environment where your family & others live. Beyond that, I truly believe if you want to continue your education in any direction it can only enhance your dreams, family and self esteem. Whether you pursue it now or when the kids are older is your choice, but getting a degree, certification, or just taking classes for knowledge is GROWTH!
You are interested in so many things…jump into one and embrace the commitment to learn something new 😀
I love this post so much, Hope! And I've just added The Midnight Library to my Audible library. Thank you as always for sharing your thoughts, words of wisdom, and recommendations.
Oh I hope you love it! Warning that it has some language and stuff, but it’s a really interesting and impactful story! I also love his novels How to Stop Time and The Humans.
Super interesting post, Hope. Like that you are in that space, city planning(know nada about!) but influencing/reimaginating city function; how cool is that.
Saw 'A Million Miles Away' last night, about a migrant farm worker who ultimately becomes a crew member on the space shuttle. His father coached him to learn what you don't know; and he just picked up skills as opportunity allowed.
You're who you are, and then so relevant to the future you are envisioning. You're in the perfect place! And the providence and sovereignty thing, for sure!
Awesome pictures! Thanks Hope!
Thanks for this, Just Mud! (Not sure if I know you in real life or not lol.) To be clear, I’m not actually a city planner or anything; I just like to learn about it! And like you said, if the opportunity allowed, I would love to pick up the skills needed to be in the trenches for my city :)
I wish I knew Just Mud in real life. Just putting that out there. :)
Hey there, it's actually Ron! (JM) We're up here in PA, my wife and I. We're bout retirement age! I'm a bit private in social media, so Substack is bit of a contradiction. But have lots of thoughts I'm letting out! (bit by bit) Appreciate your reads and posts!
You know what, that's half of direction. They are surely clues!
This isn't the first time I've heard you use the phrase, "objective ways of measuring" smarts and capabilities. I'm curious what those ways are, for you?
I don’t know! Like I was telling you on the Zoom call, sometimes I wish there was a degree or job title or paycheck or some kind of objective recognition that I’m smart and hardworking. I shouldn’t feel the need for those things—and I know that even if I had them, it’s not like it would completely solve all my insecurities lol—but sometimes I doubt myself.
I don't know whether you "shouldn't" feel the need for those things -- I do think it's probably not helping you feel better by judging your own reaction to some very human emotions. (I also understand that the hardest person for us to show compassion for is often ourselves.)
I think it's also a case of "wherever you go, there you are." You could have a degree from the best university in the world, have a huge career where you make a ton of money and get promoted all the time and win awards, be the president of MENSA, etc., etc., but you'd still probably feel you're not smart and hardworking enough, because it's not really about the external accolades or the outside validation -- or at least, external accolades and outside validation don't take away our insecurities, self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, or imposter syndrome. That's something that comes from us, from inside ourselves.
The good news is that you don't have to have any of those things -- any objective recognition whatsoever -- to tell yourself a different story. What if, instead of saying to yourself and your daughter, "Tonight I'm pretending to be a businesswoman," you said, "I'm going to an event tonight to help me learn more about something I care about as a business woman, a citizen of Chattanooga, and a human being." You're not "playing dress-up." You're dressing as the person you are, or the person you want to be. (There is no shame whatsoever -- it's actually a secret of success -- of "faking it til you make it," or, put another way, "acting your way into feeling rather than feeling your way into acting." If we all waited to feel how we think we need to feel before doing something, no one would ever do anything.)
What if every day you looked in the mirror and said, out loud (really, OUT LOUD): "I'm smart, I'm hardworking, and I belong in every room I walk into." (Who cares if you feel like Stuart Smalley? No one has to see you doing this. It's between you and you, and it works. You would not believe the stuff I say to myself in the mirror. Sometimes it's so hard I cry; sometimes it's so hard I can't even get the words fully out of my mouth. But I keep going, because what you tell yourself not only matters, it becomes the truth for you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell myself some garbage story about how I'm not enough in all these ways, blah blah blah -- nope. I have wasted too many years on that.)
The point of power is in the present moment -- you can change your thoughts at any time. Including right now.
I came here with my intrinsic motivation goggles on to ask the same question ☺️
This is a cliche and probably something you've talked about before, but I am thinking that our culture's negative perception of stay-at-home moms is at least partly to blame. I remember--long before I had kids-- interviewing a stay-at-home mom for a position at my work and thinking, even though she'd been out of the work force for a decade or more, "this is a really hardworking, capable, and conscientious person." I perceived in my pre-mom life that raising children required skills, smarts, diligence, work ethic, and toughness. Now as a stay-at-home mom, I know without a doubt that being a mom requires all these things. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't always see this.
This resonates sooooo much. I too started a family at 19, so all of what you said I feel in my bones. The Midnight Library was a game changer for me this year. I was able to put so many what-ifs to bed and start focusing on “what can I do moving forward?” thinking. I still frequently wonder “am I too old to dream like this” and “do I really have anything of value to share?” But I’m trying to build my confidence and remember that even if no one else finds value in it, it’s of value to me and writing it down helps me. That’s enough.
WOW, what a popular topic!
I believe your heart & soul are in the right place to continue to improve the living environment where your family & others live. Beyond that, I truly believe if you want to continue your education in any direction it can only enhance your dreams, family and self esteem. Whether you pursue it now or when the kids are older is your choice, but getting a degree, certification, or just taking classes for knowledge is GROWTH!
You are interested in so many things…jump into one and embrace the commitment to learn something new 😀